The new Star Wars movie is exactly what I deduced it would be from the trailers and the fact that it was directed by J. J. Abrams, a filmmaker so vulgar and artless that he makes Jerry Bruckheimer seem like Ingmar Bergman. The Force Awakens is not an homage but a ripoff. It is not a reboot but simply a remake of Star Wars with a bit of The Empire Strikes Back thrown in.
I saw it coming: Abrams, after all, badly bungled the reboot of the Star Trek movies. And instead of coming up with a new plot for the second one, he did a totally botched remake of The Wrath of Khan. The absurdity, of course, is that there are whole universes of Star Trek and Star Wars fan fiction out there that he could have ripped off. So mere lack of imagination and originality did not force him to remake existing movies.
My plot summary borrows from, corrects, and augments a rather droll meme floating around the web. Yes, it contains spoilers. The movie begins on the desert planet of
Tatooine Jakku, where an orphaned boy girl named Luke Rey scratches out a living on the margins of society. Also in the desert of Tatooine Jakku lives an old robed and bearded hermit who possesses arcane knowledge of the Force named Obi-wan Kenobi Lor San Tekka, played by prominent English Swedish actor Alec Guinness Max von Sydow. Kenobi Tekka is later killed by his apprentice Darth Vader Kylo Ren, who has gone over to the Dark Side.
A cute beeping, burbling droid named
R2D2 BB-8 on Tatooine Jakku is entrusted with secret information essential to the Rebellion Resistance against the Empire First Order, a totalitarian state led by Emperor Supreme Leader Palpatine Snoke, who is an initiate of the Dark Side of the Force. Pursuing the droid is Palpatine’s Snoke’s right hand, Darth Vader Kylo Ren, his apprentice in exploring the secrets of the Dark Side. Luke Rey finds the droid and is drawn into the Rebellion Resistance when the Empire First Order destroys his her home hometown in search of R2D2 BB-8. Luke Rey and R2D2 BB-8 narrowly escape Tatooine Jakku on the Millennium Falcon with the help of its captain Han Solo and first mate Chewbacca. Darth Vader Kylo Ren pursues them. Luke’s Rey’s helper Han Solo Finn is a bit of a rogue and coward, but he eventually comes around and joins the fight against the Empire First Order. Luke Rey and companions learn that the Empire First Order has created a super-weapon, the Death Star Star-Killer Base, a space station the size of a moon planet that can blow up an entire planet solar system.